NEW from CHROME FETUS STUDIOS!
MECHANICAL STILT-WOMEN OF MARS
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1876991013/mechanical-stilt-women-catalog
A handy catalog featuring no less than 38 illustrations by Hans Rickheit!
5.5"x8.5" - 40 Pages - Black & White
Signed by the Artist!
INTRODUCTION TO THE GRAND OPPORTUNITIES OF MARTIAN PROSPECTING AND ASCENSION
Ladies and Gentlemen of Means and Refinement,
It is with boundless pride and no small measure of triumphant glee that we present to you the singular marvel of our age: the colonization of Mars, that once-barren and lifeless orb now made ripe for the intrepid hand of human industry. While lesser minds might have recoiled at its unyielding deserts, its savage winds, and its unbreathable ether, our endeavor sees opportunity in desolation! This sublime work has seen the Martian landscape subjugated not by crude shovels or plows, but by ingenuity, vision, and the most advanced creations of science—foremost among them, the peerless Mechanical Stilt-Women.
ABOUT THE MECHANICAL STILT-WOMEN
Far from being mere automata, the Mechanical Stilt-Women represent the apex of human ingenuity and an invitation to the grandest of life's second acts. These wondrous constructs are not mere machines but exquisite chassis, designed to house the very essence of you, Dear Purchaser. Through our exclusive and entirely painless process (patent pending), your earthly consciousness shall be gracefully extracted from its pitiable fleshly prison—a body prone to illness, wear, and failure—and deposited into a sleek, towering, and perfectly calibrated frame. Worry not for the disposal of your mortal coil, which shall be attended to with the utmost discretion by our skilled operatives.
Every Mechanical Stilt-Woman boasts articulated limbs of dazzling brass and iron, with locomotive mechanisms driven by a proprietary blend of steam and aetheric energy. These impossibly elegant stilts, reaching heights of no less than two hundred feet, render their wearer invincible to the most inhospitable Martian terrain. Their torsos, adorned with luxurious silk inlays and rivets of polished obsidian, serve both form and function—capable of withstanding Martian dust storms while ensuring the comfort of the wearer’s transplanted mind. The faceplate of each chassis is customizable, allowing you to project an air of genteel sophistication, unflinching menace, or beguiling charm as befits your Martian adventures.
THE MARTIAN LIFESTYLE—A TESTAMENT TO HUMAN INGENUITY
As we speak, hundreds of satisfied customers traverse the ruddy expanse of Mars, their mechanical legs striding over endless dunes and glittering chasms. Who among us could resist the splendor of a Martian sunrise viewed from a perch no earthly being could reach? Imagine the delights of life unbothered by the trifles of hunger, thirst, or aging, your consciousness secured in a vessel of unparalleled endurance. Terraformation? Bah! Who needs verdant fields and oxygen when you may stride eternally through an alien wilderness in a chassis built to endure the eons? Many a happy owner has remarked that their only regret is not transitioning to a Mechanical Stilt-Woman sooner.
TERMS OF SALE AND LEASE
To obtain one of these peerless contraptions, you need only contact one of our convenient fitting stations, always ready to greet new clients - no appointments needed! (Check your local Chamber of Commerce for office locations in your area.) Act swiftly, for demand is high and production, owing to its exquisite craftsmanship, is necessarily limited. Terms of lease are generous, though it must be noted that failure to meet payment schedules will result in the immediate repossession of the chassis—along with all associated contents. Defaulting lessees may also expect to experience certain inconveniences, such as the retrieval and/or disposal of their consciousness, unless alternative arrangements can be made. We are confident, however, that the upright character of our clientele will render such unpleasant measures wholly unnecessary.
A FINAL WORD
Do not delay! The future of exploration, immortality, and prosperity awaits you—aloft on the towering stilts of your destiny! Seize your rightful place among the stars, and let the desolation of Mars become your own inexhaustible playground.
A handy catalog featuring no less than 38 illustrations by Hans Rickheit!
5.5"x8.5" - 40 Pages - Black & White
Signed by the Artist!
INTRODUCTION TO THE GRAND OPPORTUNITIES OF MARTIAN PROSPECTING AND ASCENSION
Ladies and Gentlemen of Means and Refinement,
It is with boundless pride and no small measure of triumphant glee that we present to you the singular marvel of our age: the colonization of Mars, that once-barren and lifeless orb now made ripe for the intrepid hand of human industry. While lesser minds might have recoiled at its unyielding deserts, its savage winds, and its unbreathable ether, our endeavor sees opportunity in desolation! This sublime work has seen the Martian landscape subjugated not by crude shovels or plows, but by ingenuity, vision, and the most advanced creations of science—foremost among them, the peerless Mechanical Stilt-Women.
ABOUT THE MECHANICAL STILT-WOMEN
Far from being mere automata, the Mechanical Stilt-Women represent the apex of human ingenuity and an invitation to the grandest of life's second acts. These wondrous constructs are not mere machines but exquisite chassis, designed to house the very essence of you, Dear Purchaser. Through our exclusive and entirely painless process (patent pending), your earthly consciousness shall be gracefully extracted from its pitiable fleshly prison—a body prone to illness, wear, and failure—and deposited into a sleek, towering, and perfectly calibrated frame. Worry not for the disposal of your mortal coil, which shall be attended to with the utmost discretion by our skilled operatives.
Every Mechanical Stilt-Woman boasts articulated limbs of dazzling brass and iron, with locomotive mechanisms driven by a proprietary blend of steam and aetheric energy. These impossibly elegant stilts, reaching heights of no less than two hundred feet, render their wearer invincible to the most inhospitable Martian terrain. Their torsos, adorned with luxurious silk inlays and rivets of polished obsidian, serve both form and function—capable of withstanding Martian dust storms while ensuring the comfort of the wearer’s transplanted mind. The faceplate of each chassis is customizable, allowing you to project an air of genteel sophistication, unflinching menace, or beguiling charm as befits your Martian adventures.
THE MARTIAN LIFESTYLE—A TESTAMENT TO HUMAN INGENUITY
As we speak, hundreds of satisfied customers traverse the ruddy expanse of Mars, their mechanical legs striding over endless dunes and glittering chasms. Who among us could resist the splendor of a Martian sunrise viewed from a perch no earthly being could reach? Imagine the delights of life unbothered by the trifles of hunger, thirst, or aging, your consciousness secured in a vessel of unparalleled endurance. Terraformation? Bah! Who needs verdant fields and oxygen when you may stride eternally through an alien wilderness in a chassis built to endure the eons? Many a happy owner has remarked that their only regret is not transitioning to a Mechanical Stilt-Woman sooner.
TERMS OF SALE AND LEASE
To obtain one of these peerless contraptions, you need only contact one of our convenient fitting stations, always ready to greet new clients - no appointments needed! (Check your local Chamber of Commerce for office locations in your area.) Act swiftly, for demand is high and production, owing to its exquisite craftsmanship, is necessarily limited. Terms of lease are generous, though it must be noted that failure to meet payment schedules will result in the immediate repossession of the chassis—along with all associated contents. Defaulting lessees may also expect to experience certain inconveniences, such as the retrieval and/or disposal of their consciousness, unless alternative arrangements can be made. We are confident, however, that the upright character of our clientele will render such unpleasant measures wholly unnecessary.
A FINAL WORD
Do not delay! The future of exploration, immortality, and prosperity awaits you—aloft on the towering stilts of your destiny! Seize your rightful place among the stars, and let the desolation of Mars become your own inexhaustible playground.
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